Poetry

Salisi
September 30, 2016
Maynila

Tutungo ako sa tagpuan ng ating mga salita,
Sa lugar kung saan ang mga letra ng
Ikaw at Ako
Ay nakaukit sa mga palad nating
Malapit ngunit di magkakapit

Babaybayin kong muli ang mga kalsada ng ating panaginip,
Mga daan na iginuhit gamit ang ‘yong awit
Sila at Tayo
Mga linyang patuloy na lumalapit
Di nag-aabot kahit anong pilit

Hahanapin kita sa gitna ng dumadagundong kong puso,
Puno ng nakabibinging pagkabog
Ikaw at Ikaw
Mga pintig na ako lang ang nakaririnig
Nakabibingi at puno ng sakit

Liliko ako sa kanan ng iyong mga kaliwa,
Tuluyang aasa na sa susunod na kanto
Ako at Ako
Parin ang pipiliin mo sa sanlaksang pag-irog
Na inihahatag sa’yo ng mundo

---

365

October 15, 2019

Quezon City

Isang lingon pang muli
Para masigurado na
Bakante
Ang upuan na dati
Ay tangan ka
sa lubak at ragasa.

Unti-unting mumulat
Ang mga matang
Pilit sinarado sa
Huling aninag ng ‘yong
likurang walang hikbi at
Papalayo sa ating tagpuan.

Magbibilang
Isa, sandaan, sanlaksang
Mga araw na puro buwan!
Hinahanap ang kwerda
Ng mga payak na bituin
Na dati ay tangan.

Sampu, dalawaput walo,
Patuloy na ginigitlingan
Ang mga pagod na nakaraan
Bulag sa pag-asang
ang kahapon ay ngayon.

Ilang daliri pa nga ba
Ang dapat bilangin?
Sa makalawa, sa susunod
Na palitan ng kapit
At maaalat na luha
Ilang araw pa ba?

---

Sisimulan uli

Ang paghabi ng mga talata

Mga kwerda ng salita

Tangan ang lunas sa

Uka-ukang pintig

Nitong pusong naghihilagpos

---

Uusad
October 30, 2018
Palawan

Sa paghinto ng kislap ng tala sa ‘yong mga mata
Ay lilimbagin ko ang talata na muli’y magsasaysay
Ng mga alinlangan, Ng mga pakikilaban
Tungo sa tuldok na ating inaasahan.

Muli ay kukumpasin ang bawat nota,
Ang bawat himig,
Na syang naging buod ng sanlaksang pangako
Na tinuldukan ng ‘yong tingin sa mapanlinlang na kanluran.

Babagtasin ko pabalik ang daan na iyong inukit
Sa aking kalyadong palad,
Puno ng pangakong linisan,
Kapalit ng sandaling pagyakap sa anino na ‘yong inaninag.

Mula rito ay uusad patungo sa bukas,
Kung saan ang ako at ang ikaw ay naulilang pangarap,
Kinukubli sa bawat halakhak ang patak
Ng mga dumadagundong na luha.

Sa huli ay magtatanong,
Hindi ba sapat? Hindi ba tapat?
Anong himig ba ang dapat hinuni ng puso
Ng sa dulo ay ako parin ang naging hantungan ng iyong dapithapon?

---

The She Who Left Without Sighing
December 9, 2005
Palawan

Romanticism has been the flavor of your soul
A flavor that I have endured with
Silently, irritatingly, indifferently
With every stroke of your pen
You have evaded my reality and brought
Plagues upon plagues of unsolicited tears
To these forgetful eyes
Often would be your summons to my wind
And I come to you, a storm
Unwilling to relent to your stubborn pleas
But always losing to your embrace
Ruined to be your slave
Witch that you are, my beloved charmer
You have held me captive
With your undying rhymes
I have for long beg Alphard my freedom
Too many times I have asked you to release me to the abyss
Oblivion would have been better than your paradise
Curses are far enchanting than your songs
Ruminations of the damned are delightful than your love
Basking in the night would be my peace
Than see your glow by the sun that you created
Abandon me!
But then sigh for me,
Sigh a hundredfold,
Sigh with the tears you bottled
For the ransom of my soul
Sigh with endless passion
While you grant my admonition
Sigh, my love, that I may believe
Your romance, your rhymes, your sun
Your songs, this paradise
Abandon me, with your sigh!

---

Minuet 3 (My shadow’s death)
Nov 26, 2006
Palawan

Flickering are these words
Which have once illuminated
Your formless self
This fluent air which has once enveloped
Your frigid bones in warmth
Shall be as stale as the color
Of your skin
Lifeless, ignorant, malicious

Just as you have evaded the pleas
Of my quivering strings,
Producing eternal mourns,
This bow shall break
And refuse your cries for melody

Relentless shall be my silence
Amidst the chorus of your deities
For which you have exchanged
The harmonious union of our fingers
Exuding minutes of enraptured existence

---

The Scientist (remembering Shaman)
July 10, 2011
Quezon City

In my attempt to erase your footsteps
From the sands of time
That I kept bottled
Conveniently in my pocket
Full of illusions,
I have found myself
Retracing
Your steps, my steps
The path we took.

I hold in my hands
A broken compass,
The one that I thought
Could make me get pass
You.
As I traverse the land with
It,
I just keep on finding myself
Back in this old room
Where you and I shared
Timeless fifth notes.

To cast it away
And find a new direction to follow
Would be futile.
A map,
A sextant,
A chart,
All these would only lead me
To sands etched with your
Footsteps
Indelible
Irreplaceable.

---

Kape at si Bach
December 5th, 2006 
Palawan

Binaybay ko na naman
Ang lundayan ng ating
Nagwakas nang mga panaginip
Batid ko parin and walang pag-imbot mong
Yakap sa aking mga salita

Ang pait na dala ng bawat higop
Ay bumabagtas sa mga gabing
Ang musika mo ay aking tahanan
At ang aking tinig and yong kanlungan

Walang tamis ang may kayang lumunod
Sa bawat paalam na namutawi
Sa iyong mga labi
Sanlaksang paalam at pagbabalik
Sa aking yakap na di ko tinutulan

Walang kakayanang tumangi
Sa halina ng pangakong kaligtasan
Parehong lulong sa lasa at
Dalang init ng bawat pagdapo
Ng makasalanang likido

Ikubli man ay patuloy paring
Kumakawala ang katotohanang
Wala nang pag-asang matatapos
Ang mga umagang ikaw ang katagpo
Sa saliw ni Bach at singaw ng kape

---

Halika
December 5, 2006
Palawan

Burado na naman.
Natuldukan muli ang ngayon.
Kumupas na naman ako
Sa alaala, sa dulo ng iyong mga daliring
Patuloy parin iginuguhit
Ang bawat linyang pinutol
At kinubli sa iyong nakatikom nang bibig,
Puno ng halakhak na ipinagkait.
Nalimut na naman
Binawi muli ang ating kahapon
Na pilit ko paring iniuugnay
Sa bukas, Sa babahang bukas
Ng sana’y lambing ng iyong ngiti
Na ngayo’y lunod na sa aking dalamhati.
Burado na naman
Inilagak muli ako sa kawalan
Ako, Ikaw, parehong naglaho
Hawak ang bawat linya,
Yakap ng mga halakhak.

---

Perdition
December 5, 2007
Baguio

And unto the recesses of your words,
I crept with fragile limbs
Endowed with pain
Shackles that comforted me
Defined my being
Lay broken, shattered beneath your soul
With defiant eyes I have gazed
Into the subliminal gesture
Of your grace
Tongue still burning, ruptured by unforgiving lies
Lips debased by the soothing kiss of depravity
Still, I wandered seeking that
Knowledge which bound me
With dire consolation
Unfathomable death of truce
With flesh grafted in profanity
And tears frozen by the darkness of my heart
Crawling, creeping, still
Weeping with eyes tired of
Rebellion
With soul longing for salvation

---

The Fiddler
December 16th, 2006 
Palawan

The vagueness of this silence,
Induced in the motions of our fingers,
Breeds a familiar note
As remembered by this skin.
The casual lingering
Of the hairs of your bow
On my untuned strings
Bridges this tense to a dream.
The space that once laid me,
Engulfed in the solitude
Of my music,
Filled with your blinding embrace
Of this unbroken fret
And Perfect fifths.
For every change in tunes
have constantly led me
to exhilirating secret glances,
Infinite glimpses of our momentary union
Impregnated by your undaunted zeal,
For my relentless
Thirst for the fiddler.
Hasten your fingers
with its unequated passion
For the strings of this instrument
Bare, and in utter want,
Of your taming,
Of your clasp,
Of your generous wanderings.

*for the He who refuses to arrive and in constant departure…

---

From Angel Fish to Shaman
December 26, 2006
Palawan

How was it
That these fins failed
To bring me a quarter of an inch
Closer to you?
Friction upon friction
I staggered towards you,
Evading painful realities,
Gulping unfathomable lies.
Did all my stripes diminish
Your silent adoration?
Exquisitely arched as they are,
Did you view them
In decadence?
This treated water
Fills my pores with utter longing
For the River
That is my Home
How long shall you
Confine me
In the clear glass of scrutiny
That which is your home?
Call upon your dieties.
Hasten your chants,
For your opium-powered
Dreams have waned.
Your antagonizing waters,
Plagued with your contradictions,
Have already saturated
My compliant being.
Soon enough.
My fins shall cease struggling.
This glass prison shall break
And you shall be an apparition
Fleeting as your magic.

---

Enero
January 1st, 2007 at 3:42 am
Palawan

Kasama ko na isasara
Ang mga bintana
Na iniwan kong bukas
Para sulyapan ang ‘yong mundo.
Mananatiling nakakadena
Ang bawat ugat at hibla
Ng aking pagkatao
Laban sa ‘yong pagbabalik.
Tapos na naman ang nakaraan
Heto na’t dumadagundong
Ang bagong ngayon
Mapang-anyaya at may pangakong
Paghilom
Ang tulay na dati’y umuugnay
Sa uka ng ating mga palad
Ay tuluyan ng nabura
Sa ating kasaysayan
At ngayo’y alamat na lamang.
Sa pagbagtas ko
Sa daang binuksan ni Enero
Iiwan ko sa silid natin
Ang labi ng kahapon
Ang bawat yapak ko
Tungo sa ngayon
Ay pag-iigtingin ang paniniwalang
Ako at Ikaw ay panaginip.
Sarado nang muli
Ang bawat lagusan
Maging mga tenga ko’y bingi na
Sa iyong pagsusumamo
Dyan ka na lamang
At ako’y naglaho na.
sana’y ito na nga ang huli kong pagsamba sa iyo aking musa…

---

The Nomad
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:12 am
Palawan

Vague existence and countless
Possibilities,
Define the path that i traverse.
I am neither your death
Nor your breath.
I am incapable of truth
As much as you are a myth.
Ancient cities that have been
My crown,
Diffused me farther from reality,
Deeper into the crevices
Of my woven life.
I take no home
In your words,
In your afflictions,
In your restless pursuits.
I am your constant stranger,
Inescapable torrent of gushing lies,
Perplexity of the Bride’s Moon,
Solitary Venus of your dark sky.
Inhale me.
Drink of my profanity.
I am the wrath of your
Forbidden soil,
A wanderer on your tamed garden,
A thief of the clever morn.
My arrival is your disillusionment
For i shall never be present.
I am Departure.
My soles are betrothed
To the infamous road,
Not of salvation,
But of condemnation.
Exhale me while you live.
I am the poison
That shall afflict you
With incurable longing
For this naked self
Stripped of all pretense
And desperate insanity.

---

Gomer
January 5th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
Palawan

Phrases of anguish
And bitter longing,
Exude from this loathing
And rotting Self,
Deprived of consistent union,
And due conversations.
Is it justifiable
That you remain as passive
As the silo that marks our Home,
Reluctant gaze that you are,
Abandoned skin that I am?
Will reason suffice
For our neglect?
And if I stumble over relics of my own past,
Will it be blasphemous
To worship them again instead
Of your feet?
I rest my adoration of you.

---

Esther
January 15th, 2007 at 6:44 am
Palawan

A lashing more,
Shall soothe this self,
From the lasting scars that you carved
On my broken heels.
Another bruise,
Shall sedate my langushing heart,
From the merciless abandonment
By which you shut your door.
Three more stomps,
Shall jolt me back to paradise,
From where you have corrupted me
With your impeccable lies.
A slap more,
Shall dry my irrigated cheeks,
From the worthless tears you have solicited
With your forsaking embrace.
A slap, a bruise,
Lashings and stomps,
Opiums for my battered self,
Torn by your malicious pursuits
And inconceivable loss.
I shall not be ruled again
By your cruel scepter.
I have ceased to be
Your slave and fate
Made you mine.
You shall succumbed
To the poison of my bossom.
Your Death shall be
My youth,
For am I your Queen Reborn

---

Mt. Akanian
February 8th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Palawan

Now that your soles
Have profusely bled for my presence,
Your broken skin shall drive me
Further into the depravity of your curse.
I kissed the ground on which you walked on.
I forbade dew from resting its limbs
On this holy grave
Of our union, this forsaken clasping
Of your breath and mine.
The mountains remain deaf
To the screams of my Youth
Engulfed in the remembrance of desecrating
Passions and immeasurable absurdities.
This obsession for the whiteness of your skin,
Thunder of your sleep,
Warmth of your exhale,
Has dethroned me from my
Reluctant pedestal.
And now that silence
Defines us,
I shall forth with retrace
Every step we took towards
That stubborn mountain
Incapable of heat,
Blinded by the stars.

---

Ampuq
February 15th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Palawan

Buksan mo ako ng lagusan
Papalayo sa mga alon na
Dala ng dalampasigan
Na ito
Hayaan mong maikampay kong muli
Ang aking mga kamay
Sa rumaragasang tubig
Nang nilisang mundo
Ang yabag ng yong mga paa
Sa dumidilim kong langit
Ay nagbabadya ng muli’y pagyurak
Sa aking likha, imahe ng aking kapariwaraan
handugan mo ako ng iyong tinig
Mapagpalayang musika
Na walang pag-iimbot
Sa uhaw kong mga tenga
Palayain mo ako sa yungib
Na aking piitan
Isang tahanang mapagkubli
Sa malayang katotohan
Ikaw, makapangyarihang bukas,
Ang syang magpapalaya sa aking
Ngayon
Isang produkto ng kahapon

---

Red Sea
February 28th, 2007 at 6:01 am
Palawan

This is how we should end.
I am not to recognize your form
And you are not to remember this self.
You shall have no memory
Of the smell of my hair,
Of the warmth of my fingers,
Of the sight of sunrise in my smile.
I shall not be familiar
With the sound of your thunder,
With the twinkle of constellations in your eyes,
With the gushing of silent wind from your chest.
For you, my name will be
That proximity to an affection
We saw sprouting from the sky.
For me, your name will be
An unspoken dream,
Too agonizing to be told.
You shall succumbed
To the idea that I was just another event
And I will linger on the thought
That you were just a hallucination.
You shall continue
Producing melodious lies
And I shall indulge profusely in their propagation.
For you shall be free and
I shall remain bound.
In the end
There shall be no us.
There shan’t be a stroke of color
That will resemble the past,
Not a single note shall render a relative tone,
Not a single portrait will lead us
To this excruciating point.
It is here that you will put
Yourself into a halt.
It is here that I shall awaken
From this dream,
Into a morn
Where miracles are impossible
And seas do not part.

---

Ikaw muli
August 20th, 2007 at 2:56 am
Dapitan

Huli na nga ang pagdagundong ng mga yapak mo
Nilisan ko na an gating tagpuan
Napahid ko na ang mga luhang
Nagpumiglas na kumawala sa mga umaasa kong
Mata,
Patuloy na su,isipat sa anino mo
At hudyat ng ‘yong pagdating.

Wala na ring saysay ang init ng iyong hininga

Tinikom ko na ang aking mga labing tuluyan ng natuyo ng
malamig na hangin
Na yumakap sa akin
Kapalit ng iyong mga bisig

Ang iyong mga salita ay akin ng tutuldukan
Buburahin ko na ang mga kuwit na pilit kong ginuhit,
Mga mapanlinlang na tulay
Sa ngayon at sa mapagpalayang bukas

Simula ngayon ay babasagin ko na
Ang ilusyon ng iyong pagbabalik
Ang sanlaksang katahimikan na dinulot
Ng iyong walang humpay na pagbigkas
Ng aking pangalan
Animo’y pagsamba, isang bulag na pagsamba

Subalit sa bawat hakbang ng aking
Walang pinatutunguhang mga paa,
Sumasamo ang mga alaala na iyong inukit
Sa aking Birheng balat
Ang bawat galos at pekas
Na iniwan mo ay nagsilbing
Palamuti
Sa aking banayad na nakaraan

Pano nga ba tuluyang linilisan
Ang ugat ng iyong pagsamba?
Pano nga ba binubura ang mga
Kulay
Na napinta na?
Saan nga ba ako kukuha ng lakas
Upang tuluyang iwan ka?

---

Insomnia
August 20th, 2007 at 2:59 am
Cubao

Huling patak na raw ng ulan
Pero bakit bumamagyo parin dito sa loob
Ng kulungang pinaglagakan mo sa akin.

Sila ba o ako ang mali?
Bughaw ba o sindilim ng ‘yong balat ang langit?
Tama ka
Ikaw na naman ang mutya nitong
Dalampasigan ng unos na aking sinisipat

Dalawang oras na lamang at alas dose na
Tapos na naman ang isang araw ng paghihintay sayo
Aasa na naman ako na bukas ang araw na babagtasin mo
Ang pagitan na inukit mo sa ating dalawa

Kelan pa ba nahilig ang yong tenga sa mapanlinlang nilang
boses?
Hindi ba’t dito lamang sa aking kandungan
Matatagpuan ang kwento na nagpapatahan sa’yo?
Mali
Akala ko lang pala iyon.

Nakaadalawang ikot na ang mga kanta
Sumisigaw na sila
Kelan ko daw ba sila pagpapahingahin?
Kelan ko daw ba iiwan itong tagpuan natin?

Mali na naman ba na inaantay kita rito?
Mali na naman ba na walang humpay ang mga alon sa
Pakikipagsayaw sa akin habang wala ka?
Mali ba na ako?

---

An Ode to the Ink
August 20th, 2007 at 3:00 am
Cubao

Every stroke of this pen that is
Personified by your blotting,
Reminds me of how you have wrought
Figure into my broken limbs.

The words that you immortalized
Recreate a world of your hues
—indecent, lamentable, perfect—
from my distorted reality.

Is it the way that this point hits the paper
that beatifies our lost saints?
Is it the habit of this hand which lit
the buried passions of our eyes?
Is it my very thought of salvation
that moves you to stain this page?
Or do you beautifully clutter every line,
With yourself,
Just because I am,
Irreparably,
In need of your wandering?

---

The death of krishnamurti To the stranger at the Ride
(let’s find each other again)
April 21st, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Diliman

You gaze at me
I gaze at you
This motion perpetuates
A rythmic exchange
of moments and pleasures
Mornings are witnesses
To our inescapable longing
for each other’s eyes
for each other’s body
for each other’s capability
to exhale insanity
in each other’s lips.
How do we freeze
These moments
Into eternity,
blissful momentary eternity?
Wait, this is already my
stop
I am about to leave
our moment
a blink and then
reality
I am again
traversing
monotonous paths
longing, anticipating
tomorrow
our eternity

---

The Forgetful
January 24th, 2009 at 7:58 pm 
Cubao

I have lost my poetry.
I have lost that which has kept me sane for years.
The lines,
The phrases,
The words which have often invigorated my aging bones
Have abandoned me to
Imperceptible lies.
The sad eyes which once illuminated
The pages of this space have closed
And are not familiar with any light
—not anymore.
I have lost that which is essential.
I have lost the capacity to dream.
What I possess are mere realities.
Excruciating, painful, seductive
Realities
That only exist to perpetuate lies that I used to believe in.
These eyes that are perpetually shut
mourns inconsolably
for nights of imagining and
daylights of blissful illusions.
Yes, I still dream of luxurious illusions.

---

Pagbabalik
January 24th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Cubao

Bakas parin sa ating mga mata,
Ang mga luha na pilit nating pinigilan,
Sa pagdilig sa ating mapag-alab na puso.
Ang bawat espasyo na kanilang inangkin,
Dama parin ang pait ng katotohanan:
Ako at ikaw ay nakaraan.
Isang bangungot na di matuldukan
Yakagin man ang mga luhang ito
Pabalik sa pinagmulan,
Pilit paring idiriin ng ngayon
Ang walang hikbi mong pagyakap,
Di ng aking katawan,
papalayo sa pagsamo ko
Bumalik ka!
Luhang walang patid sa paghahalukay
Sa aking nakabaon ng paglambing
Tigilan na itong pagpapayabong
Ng pag-asa:
Ang kahapon ay siyang ngayon,
Ang bukas ay himlayan parin,
Ako at ikaw nakagapos,
Tuyo ang mga pisngi,
Ligtas sa di pagkakaroon ng
Panaginip.

---

The Bank
February 6, 2008
Dapitan

You are still my muse
Dismissing you was impossible
I swore with the wind
That all your words and letters
will be his company
Not mine
And Yet i find myself
It’s jealous foe.
Do you see me
In the faces of strangers
Waves of acquaintances
Boundless lies and superficiality?
Have you leased my affection
for their distant kisses?
Loan me your adoration,
Alms of attention,
look of compassion.
yes, I am the beggar
straying in the recesses of your past,
my present,
the future that is not to come.

---